I Need a Wife: Balancing Work, Family, and Food
This article is part of the Table Talk series, where we discuss everything from kitchen innovations to what’s on the shelves of your pantry. If it’s related to food, it’s on the table.
There’s Something about a Wife
I say it often - I need a wife. My husband is a great partner, and I love him as he is. Still, I often find myself wishing for a spouse-like person who implicitly knows how much peanut butter is left in the pantry, who understands what “tumble dry low” means (and who reads the darn clothing label), and ultimately who starts dinner on the nights that I work late. And even though a Second Wave feminist single mother raised me, I don’t know what to call this person who is categorically oriented to my needs, anything other than “wife.”
As a middle-aged woman who has reached the peak of her career, my everyday life is about juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. From climbing the corporate ladder to caring for loved ones, finding balance is daunting, especially in the kitchen. I wish I could demonstrate resilience, creativity, and adaptability by effortlessly juggling work and family, but when I’m leaving the office at 6 pm daily, it’s hard to look forward to crafting a nutritious and exciting dinner.
Maybe I was too influenced by the infamous 1979 Enjoli perfume advertising for the “24-Hour Woman” with that famous line: “Cuz I’m a woman / I can bring home the bacon / fry it up in a pan / and never let you forget you’re a man.”
Navigating New Beginnings
When I started my professional life in my mid-twenties, I was ALL ABOUT expanding my cooking repertoire. I mentally savored the meals that I would cook from the glowing pages of Martha Stewart Living, Sunset, or Southern Living magazines. I believed that when I grew older, I would throw lavish dinner parties serving food cooked from scratch served on charming, seasonal dishware.
In reality, the kitchen was both a sanctuary and a source of stress. I faced long hours and demanding schedules but found some solace in cooking as a creative outlet and a way to unwind after a hectic day. I often felt overwhelmed with trying to prove myself at work while also keeping up with household chores. But while the joys of dainty crafting alluded me, cooking allowed me to channel my energy into something productive and rewarding.
In the kitchen, I learned some valuable lessons about time management, organization, and prioritization and I ended up discovering that not every meal needed to be an elaborate “Martha” affair.
Seeking Balance
However, as I progressed in my career, I began to face new challenges in the kitchen. With increased responsibilities at work, finding time and creativity to cook can feel like a luxury. Many a commute home has been a battle of wills between wanting a dinner that is quick, easy, and comforting versus one lovingly composed of wholesome, homemade food.
I know that many career-oriented women embrace efficiency and innovation, seeking out time-saving techniques and tools to streamline their cooking process. There is a plethora of advice and guidance on one-pot meals, slow cookers, and sheet pan dinners, maximizing flavor while minimizing cleanup. Magazines for my demographics are chock-full of articles about how to prioritize health and wellness, incorporating fresh ingredients and mindful eating practices into their daily routine.
By heavens, they make it look so simple.
A few years ago, Leigh and I did a deep dive into the history of women’s work - especially the notion that the work of women in the home kitchen (as opposed to the professional kitchen) was what helped to create and uphold the sense of family. And there remains, at least for me, a tangible sense that by choosing to spend more time in my office than in my kitchen, that I am eschewing some sort of gendered responsibility to my “household” - even though we are a house of two humans and an odd number of cats none of whom are remotely bothered about the hour or complexity of dinner.
I don’t mean to come across as bitter or sour about my lot. I chose this path and I’m determined to own both the positives and negatives. Yet somehow, I find myself wishing - really wishing - for a second self to come fulfill my neglected role of “wife” - mistress of pantry, laundry, and hearth.
And I suspect that as I start to wind down my career over the next few years, my own “inner wife” will (re)surface with a renewed interest in enjoying home and hearth. Until then, I need some recommendations for delicious, nutritious, and EASY meals. Got any?
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